Table for One - Half A Person

I wrote a long time ago that writing a poetry book feels like a game of love me, love me not. Now a couple years later I finally took the last petal off the rose. Love me.

In third grade a little bug-eyed girl sat beside me at the lunch table wearing green-framed glasses and asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I told her, very confidently, that I was going to publish books. She was chewing her lunch with her mouth open, which was truly grossing me out, while frowning. She wanted to know what I would do when I was not publishing books. The question seemed absolutely useless and a bit irritating to me. At the age of eight I already knew that I didn’t want there to be a time when I was not working on a book.

On Thursday, June 27— THIS THURSDAY— my poetry book will be available on Amazon. I am publishing a book. I can finally tell the round faced girl with freckles along her nose that we did it, we published our first book. And, well, I know exactly what she would respond. “And you’re 25? What took us so long?” And then I would hug her and tell her that we are learning to slow down.

I wholeheartedly dedicate every word in Half A Person to the little girl who lives within me. I hope that everyone who reads it can find their inner child and re-connect with them.

Half A Person is a series of poems about coming back to yourself. It is about how changes in your life do not get easier the older you get, but you do get the option to live through them without suffering. It is a series of poems where I learn this lesson the hard way, but running face first into the same wall. A feeling we all know so well of learning and re-learning the same lesson.

When I wrote the poems that now make up Half A Person, I did not think anyone would ever read them. I wrote some with shaking hands and tears in my eyes, i wrote others with the anticipation of better tings to come lighting up my eyes. But I never wrote them thinking they would become this book. Around May 2023, I looked back through them and handpicked the poems I wanted for this book. I edited, re-edited and re-re-re-re-edited them over and over and over again.

Once the manuscript was close to being finalized I remember staring at the poems and wondering what the heck I was going to do when the words were available for anyone to read.

Now, about to set these poems free, I have a strong feeling that this is the right thing to do. Although there are still some worries floating about my mind, I am certain this is what is meant to happen.

I used to be scared of showing my writing because I did not think it was good enough yet. Now I know that no piece of writing will ever be good enough, I can edit the same poem until my hands fall out, but if I do that then I will never move on to better poems, better stories. If I am always carrying yesterday’s words, I am not leaving room for tomorrow’s stories in my hands. I am letting go of words very near and dear to my heart, a whole part of my life that shaped me, and made me who I am today.

When I finally put down my pen and sent the final version to my brother, Alan Ancira, and asked him to illustrate the pages, the poems began to turn into a book. Then I sent them to Frances Bundt Manroe, one of my oldest friends an asked her to create the cover art, and suddenly I had a book on my hands.

I truly cannot wait for you all to read this book.

Next Monday, I will go into details about the logistics of self-publishing a book on KDP, Kindle Direct Publishing/ Amazon. I learned a lot and made a lot of mistakes along the way, and would love to help aspiring indie authors avoid those mistakes.

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If you were hoping for Carmela chapter 3, don’t worry that is coming July 8th.